It happened again…

I occasionally can get to this place in my brain when it seems that universe is dissolving away and that I am an insignificant peon on the cusp of total annihilation. Does this happen to anyone else?

Let me explain. So PBS was advertising a special program on microbiology and the formation of life on this planet, billions of years ago. I watch the commercial slightly interested, and I started playing through my head my bag of arguments on the existence of God. You know intelligent design type arguments… the kind that really doesn’t even relate to creationism that much.

My brain reaches this point where it faces the crux of the matter: Either there is a eternal God with infinite powers that controls everything…and I’ll repeat it…He has always existed. Or matter has always existed. There is no meaning in life, and everything has evolved simply by matter of survival. But here’s the clincher…either way, do you know what my chances are to be thinking at this very moment? I exist, but the chances are infinitesimally higher that I wouldn’t exist. That some how out of the unlikely billions of people born, I am cognizant.

And to top that, I am on a computer. I, even with my outrageous school loans, am living like the top 5% richest people in the world. I have two masters degree by golly. Nevertheless, I am totally and completely insignificant in the great scheme of the universe. A little blop of chance to a materialist.

But instead, I am a theist. I believe that there is a Being out there that is so complex that the whole universe was created upon his simple word. What are the repercussions of that? What does that mean to my further existence? What types of responsibilities does that mean I have?

Sometimes, it seems like there is a little hope in not being eternal… Eventually, past memories and mistakes are left if I am finite, but if I am eternal, what does that mean for the playing out of my future? How can I live in such a way that eternity is not Hell? Personally, I do not know what the appeal is in eternal life, unless the existence beyond death is profoundly different from this one.

Now, that I have my entire family worrying, I am going to reassure them. These occasions last about 30 seconds max. My brain implodes or explodes (I can’t tell), and I cannot contemplate the situation any longer. I am glad that I believe in my Christian beliefs that give purpose to life and to eternal life, so it makes it all bearable. In those few seconds if I didn’t have those beliefs, I feel like I could literally slip past gravity, off the earth, and into the unknown. There would be nothing to tie me to anything.

However, I have hope in a purpose for existence, a God who cares, and for love and goodness to prevail over darkness and hatred. So in reality, what more is there to ask for.

(posts)

Susannelein Says:
December 17th, 2007 at 7:38 am
I am thankful for our God who cares and for His love and the love of our friends to sustain us in this life. Thanks for the Merry Christmas phone message! I’ll give you a call soon.