Okay, so I’ve been reading some stuff on body image. You know, stuff like…be happy with who you are. Find your own personal style. Forget the cultural ideal. It great rhetoric, but come-on.
My imagination of what I can look like is too crazy to be comfortable with my image of myself right now. Today, I want to be 5′2″. It wouldn’t matter if I’m a little chubby, but I want a bright bubble-gum pink cardigan, a pleated skirt, and chunky oxford shoes that I wear with hose. My hair then needs to be in two blonde pig-tails on the top of my head. Maybe I could have a poodle-skirt for the weekends.
Last week, I wanted to be about 5′6″ and stick skinny. I wanted ink-black eyeliner and a choppy hair-cut…dyed pitch black with just a little bit of purple or red on the ends. Of course, I would be wearing mostly black. Once again skirts not jeans.
One of my favorite imaginations is me my height, a little thinner, with a good haircut… one that just happens to blow in the wind well. This Jenny always wears light-weight clothes like linen stuff. She’s a bit of a hippy and isn’t afraid to wear a poncho. She dresses up in dresses based on ancient Greek influences. Very 70s.
Then there is farm-girl Jenny. Not like the Jenny who actually worked on a farm in the 1990s…that Jenny had a pair neon-green shorts that she wore while driving wheat truck. (It was pretty scary.) This farm girl has the perfect pair of bootcut jeans, a nice boot, a fitted tweed jacket…not too much country…just enough to fit in a little bit. Maybe a cool belt.
So do I not know who I am? I think I just enjoy the possibilities of what I could be. It’s ridiculous to think that you cannot be something. It’s so much more interesting to dream, and then perhaps discover something new…
Okay, so 5′2″ is not going to happen, but I can always hang out with really tall people. =)
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