Love and Romance

No, I’m not personally in that state right now, but I am listening to Diana Krall on a PBS tv special. Her music could put any body in the mood for amor…

But in the greater context of life, today is my Uncle Ken’s and Aunt Laura’s 50th wedding anniversery, and I wish them many congratulations and happy years to come.

But what is love any ways? Is it something that grows? Is it a chemical reaction? Is it immediate? Is it friendship-based? Is there such a thing as true love? That last question has been a topic of discussion inbetween my lil’ sis and I. She believes in it, and she believes that she’s found it. Others believe that there is no such thing as the “right” one. In a way, this argument seems like a protection from the idea that there “might have been” someone better. And I hope my readers can agree with me that “might-have-been” thoughts are extremely dangerous.

So peeps, to further the question, is “true love” a state of mind that a person decides to have, or is it an actual condition that is “real?” Does true love happen very often or just to a few? I would love to hear peoples’ ideas. So that’s all for now, but hope to hear from people.

(posts)

Susannelein Says:
August 21st, 2007 at 6:08 am
I have some exciting news on this front. Maybe it doesn’t amount to “true love” but it is still sweet and happy all the same. I’ll try to give you a call sometime soon and tell you about it!

big sis Says:
August 21st, 2007 at 6:58 am
Is there such a thing as true love….big question. Yes and no. I think about the couple of guys I thought I was in love with pre-Scott and I realize now that no amount of deciding to love them would have resulted in “true love”. We were just too different at all the important points. So, I don’t think that you can create true love with just anyone. But is there only one? I think it is kind of like finding a “bosom friend” (thanks, Anne). There are a few people out there that you have the potential for that kind of intimate relationship with. I think it is the same on the romantic level. I think God gives us opportunities to recognize those special people as He brings them into our lives. Then we have to do our part. True love is not some mystical state where everything is “happily every after.” It takes patience, selflessness, the willingness to speak truth to each other in love (not in frustration), all kinds of things - and to really be true love, I think both spouses need to be committed to do the work necessary. And even with your “true love” you aren’t perpetually in a “true love” state. All relationships go through seasons, and sometimes you do have to decide that you will choose to love even when you don’t feel like or there is conflict between you. Kind of like tough love in parenting. You don’t quit loving your kids just because they are being willful and disobedient, but you do have to be loving, consistent, and tough at times. And sometimes you are the one being stubborn and YOU need the tough love!

Scott and I had the privilege of recognizing the potential for true love in each other immediately - but I guess the Lord thought He needed to be really obvious since we had been such blockheads in previous relationships. In a sense, I think it might be better to discover that potential more slowly, but since we were already married and committed to each other by the time we started to meld our lives together, we had extra motivation to stick it out where we might have given up if we had just been casually dating.

So, I am of the opinion that finding true love has a lot to do with having an open heart when God brings people in your life. Then it is primarily a matter of choosing to hang on to true love and nuture it through all the changes and difficulties that life throws your way. Chemistry is great, but you can be attracted to someone who wouldn’t be a good lifetime partner. And often it clouds your ability to see the more important parts of your relationship. I absolutely do not believe that if you experience any flux in your mystical expectations of love that it must NOT be true love and therefore you discard that relationship and keep looking. I also think we really need to avoid the anxiety trap of “oh no, there is only one person in the whole world for me and what if I’ve missed him already!”

Okay, I need to quit rambling…I would love to end with something pithy and wise, but I have two little ones who seem to be intent on annoying each other to death at the moment. Love you Jen!