3:00am Musings

Guess what... another bout of insomnia. I'm terribly saddened by an incident yesterday when I said the wrong thing. You know the type of situation... You're trying to be supportive and encouraging, but then the words come out the person is more discouraged than when you started. It saddens my heart.

Beyond that, I'm just in a period of spiritual dryness that won't stop. I've been struggling with sadness and my eating habits. I miss Christian fellowship, but I'm so tired all the time that I feel like I don't have time to nurture Christian relationships.

It's also been hard to read my Bible, and when I listen to Christian radio, I just want to turn it off. I justify turning off the radio by disagreeing with whomever is speaking, but I fear that my heart is hardening and that I'm moving away from God.

So what is a girl to do? I am taking hope in this verse...

Eph 3:20-21 -- Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

God can make this right. I know that I can't, but God can.

I'm going to include the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns, Have Faith in God.

Have faith in God when your pathway is lonely.
He sees and knows all the way you have trod;
Never alone are the least of His children;
Have faith in God, have faith in God.

Have faith in God when your prayers are unanswered,
Your earnest plea He will never forget;
Wait on the lord, trust His word and be patient,
Have faith in God. He'll answer yet.

Have faith in God in your pain and your sorrow,
His heart is touched with your grief and despair;
Cast all your cares and your burdens upon Him,
And leave them there, oh, leave them there.

Have faith in God though all else fall about you;
Have faith in God, He provides for His own:
He cannot fail though all kingdoms shall perish.
He rules. He reigns upon His throne.

Refrain:

Have faith in God, He's on His throne,
Have faith in God, He watches over His own;
He cannot fail, He must prevail,
Have faith in God, Have faith in God.

Saturday night and I should be sleeping....

Hi. It's been a long time since I've written. I almost don't know where to begin, but I start now as I did when I first began blogging. I'm by myself, exhausted, with too many thoughts in my brain to be able to figure them out except by typing.

Ah blogging is highly therapeutic.

Tonight, I just had a lovely girls' night with some ladies from church. We watched As You Like It. It's the best Kenneth Branagh movie since he divorced Emma Thompson. The videography and score were amazing. The acting was pretty good too. However, it was fairly long, and by the credits, I was ready to bow out and go to bed.

Watching the movie makes me want to have a Joanna and Jill here! I would have loved dissecting the film with them as they quote random Shakespeare lines to me. It's hard having them so far away. I would like to share in their joys and their trials more. Then, sometimes, I could kidnap them and take them to Disney princess cartoons like when we were younger.

Now that times are changing, perhaps I should steal two nieces and take them to a Disney princess cartoon. :-)

In the meantime, I'm still hoping for my happy ending. Unfortunately, life isn't as neat and tidy as princess cartoons or the conclusions of Shakespeare's comedies. Happily-ever-afters apparently rely upon feasible budgets, work schedules, and to-do lists. Well, I guess that's life.

Comps and Crises of my Own Invention

Hello, blog readers. Since I haven't written in 9 months, I would be surprised to see if I actually have any more blog readers, but if you find this posting, welcome. :-)

I write because this is the first day that I've woken up because of stress, and I for the life of me can't figure out... why today?! The last month and a half has been very big for me. Top of the list.... I met my boyfriend's parents. That was a relationship first for me. Later, in June, I was able to meet his grandmother as well. They are all very nice, and I hope to get to know them better! (BTW, my boyfriend's name is Matt.)

Matt finally met my parents as well. ...Just last week. I had almost given up on the possibility. I had first mentioned them meeting in April, but between all of our schedules, it looked like it would never happen. But May was a really rough month on parents. My dad had a heart-cath (sp?). God be praised. He's doing well. Then mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's doing pretty well too. She's been superwoman. She had her surgery the last Thursday in May, and then we all took off to our Cousin Laura's wedding in Arkansas the next day. Mom was off the prescription pain killers in a day. She's been going through radiation now for the last couple weeks. Pray that her energy level stays up. Work and radiation and summer travel can be quite a bit of work. They are in Arkansas again this weekend, and next weekend, they are going to vacation with my sisters in Austin. My nieces Hannah and Hailey are performing in a play.

As for me, I studied the entire month of June. I had my comprehensive exams to get my master's in library science. (I still have a class to take in the fall, so no graduation until December though.) I studied too hard. I have such bad memories of my performance at the ph.d. exams that I don't think I'll be ever able to take a test calmly again. But this time, I passed in flying colors. I was the last person out of the room, and I wrote 5-6 solid pages for each of the 3 questions in a 4.5 hour time span. Well, praise God for that one.

Now, I'm praying that God will provide me with a job that will help me pay off my student loans. I had my first interview for a real, full-time library position at OCU Law Library as a circulation librarian. The interview was a good experience, and I am learning the finer points of interviewing: what to wear, how to study for a position, how to ask questions.... Did you know that it is polite to send a thank you note to the interviewer? I didn't. So this time, I sent a thank you note. Even if I do not get the job, it's been excellent practice. Actually, it would be hard decision on whether to accept the job if it was offered. It is my first interview, and they are hiring quickly. It would give me only a little time to weigh the pros and cons. I really could use some prayer time to see if that is a direction where God wants to use me. Meanwhile, I have an interview for a g.a. at the reference desk on Monday. I look forward to that. I always wanted to work there, and I enjoy the staff so much. It is 10 hours a week, and I would do that job with my ComPADRE job (a physics education digital library).

Above all that, I leave for Chicago on Thursday! I'm working as a Student to Staff participant at the American Library Association annual conference. That means I volunteer for about 4 hours a day, and I get free registration and hotel. I'm also presenting a poster, so I applied for funding to the College of Arts and Sciences. They are taking care of my airfare and some expenses.

Okay, I'm maybe seeing why I couldn't sleep in this morning. This weekend, I need to trim down my poster and get packing. Plus, I have some work to catch up on b/c I spent so much time on the exams. I hope to go for a run/walk here in about 15 minutes. So I'll sign off. Hope everyone has a good day, and good July 4th weekend!