Saturday night and I should be sleeping....

Hi. It's been a long time since I've written. I almost don't know where to begin, but I start now as I did when I first began blogging. I'm by myself, exhausted, with too many thoughts in my brain to be able to figure them out except by typing.

Ah blogging is highly therapeutic.

Tonight, I just had a lovely girls' night with some ladies from church. We watched As You Like It. It's the best Kenneth Branagh movie since he divorced Emma Thompson. The videography and score were amazing. The acting was pretty good too. However, it was fairly long, and by the credits, I was ready to bow out and go to bed.

Watching the movie makes me want to have a Joanna and Jill here! I would have loved dissecting the film with them as they quote random Shakespeare lines to me. It's hard having them so far away. I would like to share in their joys and their trials more. Then, sometimes, I could kidnap them and take them to Disney princess cartoons like when we were younger.

Now that times are changing, perhaps I should steal two nieces and take them to a Disney princess cartoon. :-)

In the meantime, I'm still hoping for my happy ending. Unfortunately, life isn't as neat and tidy as princess cartoons or the conclusions of Shakespeare's comedies. Happily-ever-afters apparently rely upon feasible budgets, work schedules, and to-do lists. Well, I guess that's life.

Comps and Crises of my Own Invention

Hello, blog readers. Since I haven't written in 9 months, I would be surprised to see if I actually have any more blog readers, but if you find this posting, welcome. :-)

I write because this is the first day that I've woken up because of stress, and I for the life of me can't figure out... why today?! The last month and a half has been very big for me. Top of the list.... I met my boyfriend's parents. That was a relationship first for me. Later, in June, I was able to meet his grandmother as well. They are all very nice, and I hope to get to know them better! (BTW, my boyfriend's name is Matt.)

Matt finally met my parents as well. ...Just last week. I had almost given up on the possibility. I had first mentioned them meeting in April, but between all of our schedules, it looked like it would never happen. But May was a really rough month on parents. My dad had a heart-cath (sp?). God be praised. He's doing well. Then mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's doing pretty well too. She's been superwoman. She had her surgery the last Thursday in May, and then we all took off to our Cousin Laura's wedding in Arkansas the next day. Mom was off the prescription pain killers in a day. She's been going through radiation now for the last couple weeks. Pray that her energy level stays up. Work and radiation and summer travel can be quite a bit of work. They are in Arkansas again this weekend, and next weekend, they are going to vacation with my sisters in Austin. My nieces Hannah and Hailey are performing in a play.

As for me, I studied the entire month of June. I had my comprehensive exams to get my master's in library science. (I still have a class to take in the fall, so no graduation until December though.) I studied too hard. I have such bad memories of my performance at the ph.d. exams that I don't think I'll be ever able to take a test calmly again. But this time, I passed in flying colors. I was the last person out of the room, and I wrote 5-6 solid pages for each of the 3 questions in a 4.5 hour time span. Well, praise God for that one.

Now, I'm praying that God will provide me with a job that will help me pay off my student loans. I had my first interview for a real, full-time library position at OCU Law Library as a circulation librarian. The interview was a good experience, and I am learning the finer points of interviewing: what to wear, how to study for a position, how to ask questions.... Did you know that it is polite to send a thank you note to the interviewer? I didn't. So this time, I sent a thank you note. Even if I do not get the job, it's been excellent practice. Actually, it would be hard decision on whether to accept the job if it was offered. It is my first interview, and they are hiring quickly. It would give me only a little time to weigh the pros and cons. I really could use some prayer time to see if that is a direction where God wants to use me. Meanwhile, I have an interview for a g.a. at the reference desk on Monday. I look forward to that. I always wanted to work there, and I enjoy the staff so much. It is 10 hours a week, and I would do that job with my ComPADRE job (a physics education digital library).

Above all that, I leave for Chicago on Thursday! I'm working as a Student to Staff participant at the American Library Association annual conference. That means I volunteer for about 4 hours a day, and I get free registration and hotel. I'm also presenting a poster, so I applied for funding to the College of Arts and Sciences. They are taking care of my airfare and some expenses.

Okay, I'm maybe seeing why I couldn't sleep in this morning. This weekend, I need to trim down my poster and get packing. Plus, I have some work to catch up on b/c I spent so much time on the exams. I hope to go for a run/walk here in about 15 minutes. So I'll sign off. Hope everyone has a good day, and good July 4th weekend!

A Dose of Humility: How Good and Bad Events Make Me Realize I'm Not in Control

It's been a while since I've written. In my self-analysis, that can be related to a couple things. First, my stress and craziness have subsided. The ph.d. fiasco is finally ebbing, and after a good biopsy, in March, my health has been spectacular. God worked in mighty ways to help me lose 35 pounds with weight watchers. Secondly, I had kind of an interesting turn in my life. I'm seeing someone. This in itself, I wouldn't think, would stop the writing process, but my time has been invested in other things. Then, in the midst of all this, I re-evaluated my stance on Calvinism... that only took 2 months. However, I don't tend to write about theology very often. My skill lies in self-introspection and understanding people's feelings.

Actually, so many good things happened over the summer, I was ready to write a blog along the lines of "Look how good I've done. You can do it too." So now, I'm writing again.... why? Because I'm stressed out and crazy again! Hence, the recognition of new humility!

So the other cool thing God did this summer... I got a new job this summer. I'm working 30 hours instead of 20, and I got a raise. I also got a roommate! That means my rent dropped by half, and my monthly wages increased by over 50%! Great, yes? Yes, but now, I have to pay back all of those medical bills from February through April last spring! So God supplied the increase to provide for the decrease. That's been stressful. I guess I'm learning trust on that point. My roommate gets married and moves out in December, so please pray that I make wise housing decisions that reflect my want to be a good steward of this money.

So there is one more example of good and bad going on in my life. Two weeks ago, I went to a bone marrow/ stem cell transplant survivor conference. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!.... I can't say it enough times. First, I got a scholarship that paid for it all. Secondly, I got to go with Mom which was good bonding and paid for even more of it all. Third, since I left M.D. Anderson, 11 years ago, I have never been outranked as a cancer survivor. At that conference, I had one of the most healthy bodies of anyone there, and many have been closer to the edge than I ever was. For example, I might be one of about 5-10% of survivors of this procedure who can have children. And since I had my own stem-cells, I never have to worry about my body rejecting donor marrow/stem cells. I left feeling more blessed to be alive than I have in a long time. However, I also had to face a lot of the long term consequences and expenses. Now, I have to be super-responsible. I need to keep living a healthy lifestyle. I have to get a breast MRI in the next month to monitor myself for possible cancers related to my radiation. And now, I have 3 or 4 places to ask for money to help cover those stupid Spring bills... but I hate the paperwork that goes along with that.

So God's been good, but I've been stressed out. Not to mention, I'm in two fulfilling but homework laden classes! Needless to say, I food binged tonight and had a Sonic 2.99 coney and tots deal. So far the things that have been suffering the worst the last month have been my eating habits and my exercise schedule. To top it all off I made this really great steak dish last night, but it's super fatting! Maybe if I hadn't added the olives.... So if you have a minute, say a little pray for me! So God bless!